Jokes

Sixteen reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women:

1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time.

2) Airplanes can be turned on by the flip of a switch.

3)Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."

4) Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.

5) Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.

6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.

8) Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

9) Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.

10) Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

11) Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.

12) Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

13) Airplanes expect to be tied down.

14) Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.

15) Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

16) However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good

Bob and Pete were a couple of drinking mates who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do….

Bob said, “Mate, I wish we had something to drink!”

Pete says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and
get a buzz. You want to try it?”

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch
and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bob wakes up and is surprised at how good he
feels. In fact he feels GREAT!!! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It’s Pete, who says, “Hey, how do you feel
this morning?”

Bob says, “I feel great, how about you?”

Pete says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”

Bob says, “No that jet fuel is great stuff – no hangover, nothing.
We ought to do this more often. “Yeah, well there’s just one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Have you farted yet?” “No.”

“Well DON’T, ‘cause I’m in Perth.”   

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A smart - alec rookie pilot, fresh out of training, was on his first solo approach to the airstrip during a night time landing, and thought he'd try to be cool and amusing in his contact with the tower.

Instead of making the standard official call, he said  "GUESS WHO?"

The air traffic controller switched the field lights off and replied "GUESS WHERE?!!"

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